The Kissy Giant

You have The Kissy Giant at home?

If you have a sibling that adores you, you would already know what it feels like to get kissed a million times everyday. And that is exactly what makes them great, or awful. However, my brother does way more that a million kisses. Not a billion, but a TRILLION. (At this point, I’m just exaggerating.) He would find every opportunity to kiss me on the cheek. When playing video games, watching TV, waking up, and so much more that my brain will run out of memory. (Just to clarify, the human brain has roughly 1 to 2.5 petabytes of storage, or 500 to 1,250 more than a 2TB iphone 17 Pro Max.) The majority of the time, I dont enjoy it, but I’ve never gotten any revenge for it. And for that reason, this essay you are reading right now has the main purpose of telling you everything that is terrible and terrific of my brother, also known as… The Kissy Giant. (Now, you might be thinking: Why would you add something good about your brother when your sole reason is to get revenge? And it is because the bad thing that I will say is a thousand times worse than the good one, so do not worry.)

First of all, a bad thing about my brother is that he kisses me too much. Sometimes it could be nice, but then it could be extremely annoying. For example, when I was going out of the room, he stood in front of me and said: “To exit, you have to let me kiss you. And I have to kiss you 2 times instead of 1, Ben.”. Dude! It is just opening a door and walking out! Nobody ever said i have to pay you to get out! And just when you think it can not get worse, it did. After that, when we were playing NBA 2K24 on our Playstation 5, he just occasionally went over to me and gave me the biggest kiss I’ve had that week. Just let me play in peace, brother! You see what I mean? He kiss me at completely unexpected moments. It is similar to when a lion is hunting a deer. One second, you look around and it’s just tall fields of grass, and the next second, a lion pounces on you so fast, you didn’t even have the time to escape.

However, he is very caring, though. Bored and don’t know what to do? He will invite you to a basketball one-on-one or play video games with you. Can’t solve a math problem? My brother would help you solve it. Can’t find the best shoe website to buy from? He can help you find whatever shoe you want at a cheap price. He can solve every single problem you have. Besides that, his friends can also help you out in school. Getting bullied and teased in recess? After school, they will find whoever is the bully and make them so scared, they will never dare to annoy you ever again. The good always follows after the bad. (I won’t call kissing like that good, so it’s bad. I get that some of you guys want a sibling like that who kisses you no matter what, though.)

And that is all I’ve got to say about my brother. A loving and annoying sibling. Now that we are on equal terms, I don’t think I have to say anything anymore. Just in case he keeps annoying me, I’ll write another essay to trash talk him again. Be prepared, brother! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh yeah, by the way, have a-BROTHER (meant to be ‘another’,) great day! Bye!

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