(work in progress)

Please let me know how I should go about it. I can write in the third person like option one, or i can write it in switching POVS with the FMC and MMC

First of all, don't take any of my comments in a bad way, i'm just trying to point out all the negatives, so you can fix them. Fixes: I've found that, normally, it's a lot LOT harder to have an engaged reader if you start your story with something like "Asha beti, wake up!". Though there is WAY too little for me to give you actual feedback on, the second option has a good hook -"I have never been more terrified in my liffe.". If you like to write in the third person (like me), start it off with some action - for example (again, not much story to work with, but here goes): 1: The first time she saw the monsters, she thought it was a trick of the light. The second time, she wasn't quite so sure. (continue story here) 2: "Maa, come quick!" Asha pressed her face against the chipping, dirty glass and strained to catch another glimpse of what she had just seen. Footsteps clattered up the miniature stairs, and her mother paused beside her, taking a deep breath. "What?" "Look -- There --" (Continue with her mom being skeptical, then making her go to school - she meets another monster there, etc. or something else) You get the idea - start with action. I kind of am assuming you want them to meet a monster on the way to school, and only she can see thme? Or only she is observant enough? Another option for thrid person is : She stared at her dripping hand, eyes unfocused. Why was her hand red? she couldn't remember. She tried to move her fingers, but searing pain shot through her arm, and she collapsed back down to the ground, gasping. She looked up as a massive shadow with horns(description of whatever mythology creature this is instead of horns) loomed over her, raising its claws to strike. If you like switching POV, (Which I never liked, and kind of hate, so i will try to give you good feedback on it but dont trust my judgement with it), then you have an awesome hook. At least the first sentence is. Maybe put it into the past, and talk about a monster. something like: I had never been more terrified in my life, that night. Part of me still hopes it was a dream - a simple nightmare. That would be nice. or, something like: The most terrified I had ever been in my life was when hell opened in my room. This must at least qualify as the second most terrified I've ever been in my life. There is nothing worse than going to a big building filled with sweaty, annoying teenagers and being forced to work there, and when you go home...... (continue) That's all i can think of. Sorry if this sounds negative, or anything, but its so hard to give feedback without more story! Keep writing - the hardest thing to do is get words on the page.

Ugh, why is there no spaces?????????? help.

you may want to rewrite that onto a google doc or word document

@lilrose I honestly prefer Option 2 bc it rly sucks me into the story whereas the first one just reminds me of the beta vids that were popular on youtube a few years ago :sob: "sweaty, annoying teenagers" is very real though, depends on your audience (assuming it's FOR the slightly less sweaty/annoying teens out there tho lol)

by the way, the parts that sound like her thoughts are in italics, even though it doesnt transfer to here

by the way, the parts that sound like her thoughts are in italics, even though it doesnt transfer to here

by the way, the parts that sound like her thoughts are in italics, even though it doesnt transfer to here