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Prisoner

By CoconutLatte - bronze member

Submitted on May 24, 2025

Chapter 1

Heather picked at the cell. Little pebbles tumbled off. He’s been digging at the same spot for days and his fingernails are hurting, these are the first signs of actual progress. He thought of the stones at his homeland, which is a red color. He misses them more now than ever.‘Hey, mate!’ Finnegan called. Finnegan is the kind of guy that stays positive, even in the worst of situations. Heather had thought about how he said he set his house on fire accidentally and thought it would ruin anyone. But Finnegan didn’t seem to mind it. ‘Just a plain old house!’ He said.‘What?’ Heather called back. The guards are always listening like hawks, but they didn’t seem to mind Finnegan’s shenanigans. After all, living through many years of the guy’s words can have a serious effect on anyone.’Heard of Lucy Brown being the next contestant! Oh, it’s going to be dead exciting!’Heather thought about it. Lucy Brown is a delightful guy to be around, sure, but he is irritating, even more so than Finnegan. From the first time Heather met him, he insisted on being a man. Heather asked what man has a name Lucy. And he replied indignantly that he’s got the freedom to be a man and have a womanly name. Heather stopped arguing with him after that.But Brown is certainly a smart one. Heather’s always enjoyed listening to him bicker with the cellmates. He said he had a job making speeches; that’s why he is so good at talking. Heather thinks it’s because of his weird attitude.‘Why is it Brown?’ Heather asked.Finnegan tapped on the stone walls. ‘No idea. But imagine losing against a guy named Lucy! Ha! I’ve got to see this one for sure! Enderson!’A pot-bellied man wearing a ridiculous hat stumbled in. ‘It’s Anderson to you, Finnegan.’Finnegan ignored his remarks. ‘I want to watch Lucy Brown’s battle.’Anderson frowned. ‘Sure you do. Just no funny business like throwing things and cursing at his opponent, and we’re good’.Finnegan grinned. ‘Also, Heather Wilson too?’Heather spoke up a moment too late, for the guards left before his words rang out. Leaving him irritated and picking at pebbles. The pebbles were a shade of gray, just like the wall—the wall he’s been looking at for who knows how long.They say he’s been here for 10 years. He says he’s been here for 20. Time slows when you’ve got nothing to do and have to eat rice filled with worms all day. Heather couldn’t be more thankful for his companies.‘Know what,’ He suddenly declared. ‘I’ll ask for a marble for my birthday.’The prison has an interesting system where you get a gift—that’s not harmful—on your birthday. Heather always think it’s a funny thing when you are in prison. Finnegan insists it’s the most they can do.‘Marbl’e Finnegan snorted. ‘Whatcha going to do with that?’‘I just like ‘em.’ Heather said. He scratched the pebbles on the floor. He’s been stuck with the same stones for walls, cell doors, and even food bowls. He just wants a different sort of stone. He’s heard of the absolute beauty of marbles. The clean, shining white surface and smooth texture. ‘They are…special.’Finnegan giggled. ‘I want a bar of gold! I heard they are dead expensive, but I want one! People even replace teeth with them; what a rock’!Finnegan’s always loved shiny stuff, talking about them all day. From the moment Heather met him, he’s been talking about all the diamonds and rubies. In fact, he was caught trying to steal a silver bracelet. Thus, that's how he ended up in prison. They say the Queen’s bracelet is the absolute best.‘Yeah, gold.’ Heather replied half-heartedly. His birthday is around the corner, and it’s exciting him to death. Every night imagining the shining surface of marbles had driven him nearly insane. Something occurred to him, ‘When’s Brown’s battle?’Finnegan lightened up. ‘In two days! Oh, I can’t wait!’Two days…on the day of Heather’s birthday. Suddenly he felt sick in the stomach. How can he watch a game of death on his birthday? He’s convinced this one is going to be bloody. And no one wants a bloody day for a birthday. Maybe except for Larry Colt.‘Who’s the opponent?’ He asked.‘Ohhhh, you’re going to love it! It is Willow Brown! Can you believe it?’Willow Brown is the younger sister of Lucy Brown. Heather’s seen her once, during one of her battles. She shook the arena with her fierce temper. They say she grew her nails long and sharp and her teeth ready for flesh to reap. He heard that she scars even the guards, who approach her with animal training tools. Lucy, however, is the exact opposite of his sister. He is a thinker. People often joke his sister is manlier than him.‘Oh, poor, poor Lucy.’ Heather murmured. He glanced over at his cell, where he sat picking at the cell bar. Clearly, he’s ignorant of what’s going to happen, since his eyes shined with great hope. Heather decided it’s good news for everyone involved. He doesn’t want a dead Lucy right before the real battle.Time sped by until dinner. They were called out of prison and marched in an unorganized line to the dining hall. Finnegan says it’s a great hall, considering it’s in a prison. Heather would agree if not for the terrible food. After 10 years of eating it, his stomach still feels upset.The rice was mushy and wet, along with larvae in the dried-up lettuces. It’s like the worms are competing to see who can eat faster. Heather swore 50 percent of his dinner is eaten by the annoying things.‘Have you heard of seafood?’ Finnegan sat beside him with a mouthful of rice.He nodded. Seafood he’s heard of and dreamed of. It’s said to be extremely expensive. He’s never set his tongue on one before and craved to try one if given the chance. He would accept any food for a change, just to get rid of the disgusting plate in front of him.‘They say the queen eats seafood so much she’s grown tired of it!’ Finnegan chirped beside him. ‘Oh, wouldn’t I want to live a life like that!’Heather had long ago gotten rid of those sorts of thoughts. He’s convinced himself it won’t do good to either him or anyone else. He’s pretty sure most folks in prison think the same way. After all, living is the best option here. The queen, Queen Silverwood I, has set up an ‘interesting’ game. She’ll invite a prisoner each day to battle it out in the arena. They say that’s what they did to prisoners of war in ancient Rome. Heather has never been unlucky enough to actually participate in an arena battle, and he’s not anxious to attempt it.‘Finnegan.’ Heather said. ‘Do you think anyone ever escaped?’Finnegan stared at him. ‘Escaped? Wilson, are you out of your mind? There’s no way anyone can escape! Ha, as they say, better safe than sorry! I think I’ll want my life to last as long as it can.’Heather knew it wasn’t such a good idea to talk to him; Finnegan never thinks out of the box once in his life. ‘What ‘bout Anne?’ He tried nonetheless.Finnegan snorted. ‘Anne? She’s just a myth! Little stories desperate men made up! ‘Heather, you’re not going mad, are you, mate?’Heather shook his head. There’s nothing he could do to change Finnegan’s mind; he’s just too stubborn.At night, he stumbled back into his prison cell. He peeked through the barred windows into the night sky. The only thing about the Kingdom of Red that’s comforting is the night sky. The stars glittered overhead with the colors of the rainbow. They twinkled at Heather. Sometimes he’ll stare until he sees the sun.Tonight’s sky is bright, even welcoming. The jewels of stars shined in a sea of dark blue. People often associate the sky with freedom; they often mistake that for Heather’s obsession with the sky. But that’s not true. He just likes the pure glittering accompanied by the chirping of crickets. It’s something that’s hard to explain.Suddenly he brought up an idea. Choosing a pebble, he settled it under the light of the night. The surface shined as if it were just a reflection of the night sky. His eyes soon got mesmerized by the sight, and he woke up the next morning with the pebble closely tucked in his hand.

Comments for this chapter

  • Wow! I love thisss

    Comment by AaliyahGrace on May 24, 2025

  • the opening is great!!! please continue it! i wanna read the next bit :D

    Comment by rose on May 24, 2025

  • It seems like an interesting story line. You switch tenses throughout though, and a lot of your sentences are extended. For example: He’s been digging at the same spot for days and his fingernails are hurting, these are the first signs of actual progress. Should be something like(including change of tense): He'd been digging at the same spot for days. His fingernails stung, but at least it was finally starting to show progress. Notice how I broke it into a bunch of different sentences, and kept the tense in the past (if you want it in the present that's fine too, just make it stay that way the entire story). All that let me make it more engaging. I think the storyline is awesome, and you've already done the hardest part, which is getting the words from your head to the page. Keep up the good work! If you want word-for-word edits, then maybe add a link to a google doc for it, and I'd happily edit! Overall, great work. The writing could be changed, but the plot is good, and you can't really judge a story line from just one chapter.

    Comment by raob9 on May 24, 2025

  • Oh, and maybe add some paragraph breaks? I know it's a bit difficult because right now the site deletes excess whitespace, but I know that the creator is working on it. :)

    Comment by raob9 on May 24, 2025

  • Guys thanks for the advice and support, i’ll remember it when i write somemore. But a question: how do you actually add more chapters? I submitted one as a test to see how it works and now idk how to submit more…

    Comment by CoconutLatte on May 27, 2025

  • Guys thanks for the advice and support, i’ll remember it when i write somemore. But a question: how do you actually add more chapters? I submitted one as a test to see how it works and now idk how to submit more…

    Comment by CoconutLatte on May 27, 2025

  • so you can click Edit at the top (just under the title of the story)

    Comment by rose on May 28, 2025

  • It'll say this, "By CoconutLatte - bronze member Submitted on May 24, 2025 View Your Stories Edit" And just click the Edit button. Then you can add/delete chapters.

    Comment by rose on May 28, 2025

  • Ohhh thank you!

    Comment by CoconutLatte on May 30, 2025

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